


Stompin' Bitches, AKA The Worst Night Ever

by captainafroelf



Category: Deadpool (2016)
Genre: Asian-American Character, Black Character(s), Father Figures, Friendship, Gen, Kid Fic, Kidnapping, Mutants, Stalking, Teen Romance, Vigilantism, Weird Uncle Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 11:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11804889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainafroelf/pseuds/captainafroelf
Summary: This is the last time Wade saves a kid from getting their bike stolen.A Mini-Disaster In Four Parts





	1. Boom

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was literally based on a dream i had so names and genders have been changed to protect the innocent and also this is weird as fuck

Like many stories in Wade Wilson's life, this one started with a lot of blood.

Wade found himself acting on heroic impulses, saving some kid from getting her bike stolen late at night. What began as bike theft appeared to be escalating, and he had weapons, so there was only one route to take.

“HOLY FUCK!” The girl shouted, grabbing onto her bike handles. Behind her, her attackers squirmed and screamed. It was making her giddy. “YOU DID THAT!”

“Don't mention it, kid, they won't even think about riding bikes after this.” He squinted at one of the men squirming away. "I think I shot him in the ass."

“You're fucking metal!”

He looked her over for a moment before realizing the type of kid he was dealing with. Her black ripped jeans, the heavy black boots, and the oversized letlive t-shirt led him to guess that this kid was not only enjoying the bloodshed but possibly in the market for more. She circled her attackers, shoving her middle fingers into their faces before they shuffled off, bloodied and humiliated. She herself did not escape the scuffle unscathed as a red stream ran from her nose to her dark purple top lip. Some of the spray trickled into her mouth and she spat a spray of it onto the ground.

“You're bleeding,” Wade said, after the fact. “You should probably get that, or not, I'm not your dad… I'm _not_ your dad, right?”

She shook her head slowly and wiped her nose. “I wish.” She pulled out her phone and paused the song playing on Spotify. "Viper Strike by Highly Suspect, got it."

"What the hell even happened?" he asked.

She shrugged. "These dudes just came out of fuckin nowhere and grabbed my bike and one of them grabbed me, next thing I know, you're here fucking it up."

"All this for a bike with a basket on it? What happened to criminals?"

She extended her hand to him. “I've never met a superhero before! I'm Gia, like the supermodel.”

They shook hands, in the distance they heard the girl’s attackers revving up the engine of a car and speeding off. “Should I be chasing after them?"

“Nah, you got any cigarettes?”

Wade stared at Gia incredulously. “No, I do _not_ have cigarettes. You’re, like, twelve! Why are you asking random men for cigarettes? And what the fuck is Viper Strike?”

“I bought a lighter and it’s easier to tell your big sister that you’ve been out smoking as opposed to ‘Hey, I like playing with fire! I’m normal and don’t need psychological help whatsoever!’. Understand? And Viper Strike is a song, I like to record which songs I'm listening to when I fight, for memories and sentimentality, blah blah blah..."

"Do you fight a lot?"

"My sister and I do boxing on the weekends so yeah." She shoved her phone back into her pocket and cleared her throat. "Speaking of which, I should probably be heading home but they just instated this new curfew thing on kids under eighteen so do you mind walking me so I don't end up being 'escorted' home by the police?"

Wade tapped his chin with the smoking barrel of his gun, an action that make Gia a little nervous. "Well, I _was_ planning on doing a little cleaning to Pat Benetar tonight but I suppose I can be your adult supervision."

Gia had only known Wade for a minute or two and she already knew that she was scraping the bottom of the barrel when it came to adult supervision. “Your suit's nice,” she said, tugging at the details until a bit of black nail polish chipped off. “Real pro-fes-sion-al. What is that? Spandex? It’s gotta be spandex and something else, it doesn’t look thin... Lycra's pretty thin but it moves so well..."

“The suit's spandex and other expensive fabric that keeps this body looking tight and mostly free of holes.”

Gia rolled her eyes. “It's not ballistic, you wouldn't be able to move as fast if it were ballistic."

" _Toosh_."

" _Touche_."

"Like I said, _Tucci_. I don't need ballistic armor because I heal faster than a motherfucker, and if someone kills me, I'll just come back, and I'll come back angry."

"Yikes, bruh. Sounds like a nightmare. I’m just asking for pointers, in case you couldn’t tell.”

An eyebrow raised underneath the mask. “Pointers for what?”

She straightened her shoulders and did her best Captain America pose. “The name’s Thumper and I’m gonna be a superhero.”

Wade began snickering, and Gia crossed her arms. After a moment of trying to hold it in, he exploded with laughter. _“Thumper?_ Like the bunny? That’s adorable! You’re so cute! You’re a little goth bunny rabbit!”

“Yeah, dickweed, like the bunny. Do you remember what Thumper’s thing was?”

She took a few steps back, raised her foot high off the concrete, and then slammed it down, causing a ripple that sent Wade flying backwards. She walked over to where he’d landed and smiled down at him.

“Stompin’ bitches.”

Wade stood up, stuttering and amazed. “You… You do fucking…  _What?_ ”

“I also have a scream that shatters light bulbs, but I'm pretty sure opera singers can do that. Only reason I didn’t fuck those weirdos up is ‘cause there were witnesses, and I can’t have everyone knowing I’m Thumper before I have a suit to conceal my identity, feel me?”

“You're fucking incredible! You're like if an earthquake had a baby with The Hulk!"

"Something like that."

"Do you live around here, Hulk-Child?” he asked. “I was never a teenage girl, do they usually stalk the docks? Does your mommy know you're out here? Aren't you missing an episode of Riverdale?”

“Mom died having me.”

“Your dad?”

“Dad left us for a white bitch and her kids.”

Wade chuckled at her bluntness. “Oh, white bitches are the _worst!_ ”

“Yeah, he basically let us know that we were the result of a little jungle fever phase he went through. Great guy, you'd like him. I have his eyes.” She widened her blue eyes for a moment. “It's too noisy where I live so I come out here to think and to train myself. I don't wanna bother my sister with this, she has enough to worry about. But mark my words. I’ll be an Avenger, pay for Yale with Stark money.”

“Pfft, good luck joining the Avengers as a mutant.” Her face fell and he covered his mouth. “Oh shit, no, don’t let your dreams be dreams! You don’t need those guys anyway. All about rules… Who gives a fuck about rules? You know what doesn’t have rules? Bullets! Bullets don’t have rules, Gia. If Captain America gets shot, he’s dead. Fuck, we could start a team! I could adopt you, we could wear matching outfits.”

Gia laughed. “Did you just threaten to assassinate Captain America?”

“Of course not, have you seen his ass? There’s only one thing I’m threatening that ass with and it is _not_ death.”

“It’s a little flat…”

“Yeah, Steve’s maybe but Sam’s? It won’t quit.”

She shrugged. “I’m kinda into Spider-Man.”

Wade went silent for a moment, then he slowly turned to her with what she surmised was a determined stare. “I will get you to meet Spider-Man. You two will fall in love and you’ll run across rooftops together. God, the fanfiction is going to be stellar. I’m gonna need a new Wattpad account…”

“You know him? Wait,  _you use Wattpad_?” Wade raised an eyebrow and Gia blushed. “Not that I’d know anything about fanfiction.”

“Gia… You don’t want to lie to a guy with swords.”

"There’s no Johnny Stevens fics and someone’s gotta answer the call. You will not judge me if you’re gonna be writing Wattpad fics about me and Spider-Man.”

“I’m _kidding_ , mostly. But I am gonna get you a date with Spider-Man, mark my words.”

“Yeah, whatever..." She started pulling her braided hair into a loose bun above her head. "Look, I know about the whole Avengers and mutants thing, but I'm not here to hurt anyone and I think saving lives is worth a dose of extra oppression."

“Heh, it's also worth a paycheck."

"No one gets paid for saving people."

"Speak for yourself. I keep my cash in a fanny pack, it's really convenient for strip clubs."

She narrowed her eyes at him. It's not that she expected her first brush with a superhero to be with someone ideologically and morally pure but this guy was a complete trip. He acted more like one of her friends than an Avenger. "Are you sure you're a superhero? Who the hell are you?”

“Deadpool, and I'm _not_ a superhero. How did I come to be, you ask?”

“I didn’t.”

“I volunteered by body for science and science bit me on the ass so now I can’t die and I’m not right…” He tapped his forehead with his gun’s barrel. “Not right up here.”

“Again, didn’t ask. But thank you for the backstory."

"I just wanted you to know that we've both been hurt by white bitches."

Gia laughed and that made Wade feel a little proud of himself. "I guess we have."

Gia’s house was about forty minutes away by foot. There was an ice cream place about half of the way there. Gia chained her bike to the rack and smiled when she saw who was inside.

At this point she and Wade had been walking together for twenty minutes and, over the course of that twenty minutes, they'd both managed to overshare to a point where normal questions about favorite colors and things they did for fun seemed irrelevant. Wade now knew that Gia had a crippling fear of abandonment stemming from her father leaving her and her sister, and Gia knew that Wade survived cancer and that the experiments that made him 'unkillable' made his testicles match his face. Those were both things they'd only ever shared with around three other people- current company included- so they'd become insta-friends.

"...So, by the time I figured out that I was allergic to latex, I'd already been in the zombie makeup for an hour so I was terrified about what my face would look like..." Gia rambled. "And I was twelve so that was prime age for me to be spooked by that Goosebumps episode with the haunted mask."

"I'm shitting my pants."

"I was fine, though."

He put his hand over his heart. "Thank God, holy shit."

She checked her appearance in the reflection of the ice cream parlor's window. "You want ice cream?"

“They’re not letting me in there.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not with that mask on, maybe, but these people are kind of cool with anything. One time I limped in here and they didn’t ask questions, just gave me a free two scoops and called me an Uber.”

Wade stiffened. “I have to keep the mask on.”

“... Why?” Gia's eyes widened. "Oh, your ashy nutsack face thingie?"

"Yeah."

Wade shifted uncomfortably on his feet and Gia sighed. "I'm sure it's not that bad, but you can keep the mask on anyway."

She opened the door for him and they walked in together. There was a guy behind the counter wearing pastel pink overalls and humming to the Bruno Mars song that was playing. When he noticed Gia he grinned. “Gi-Gi!”

“Vince!”

They did an elaborate secret handshake that was too fast, and perhaps too stupid, for anyone else to catch onto. She pointed to Wade. “This is my plus one for the evening, don’t ask him to take off the mask, he’s sensitive about his chronic acne.”

Vince nodded. “I got some of that myself under the fringe.” He pushed his hair back revealing a small patch of zits under his otherwise clear brown skin. “You look like Spider-Man’s drunk uncle.”

“Thank you so much, how sweet.”

“Anyway, whoever’s cool with Gia is cool with me. I don't ask questions about the things she finds at the docks anymore, I just roll with the punches.”

Gia sucked her teeth. "Fucking liar..."

“You go to the same school, huh? You guys in band together?” Wade asked. “Do you play DnD in the basement?”

“AV club.” They replied in unison.

“...Although I am also the DM of the DnD club.” Vince added. “Gia hates when I remind her that I am.”

Wade snorted. “You two are adorable! Hey Vincie, quick question, do you have a first aid kit by any chance?”

He raised an eyebrow and nodded. “It’s in the back, why?”

“Gia’s leg is bleeding.”

She gasped and looked down. Her left pants leg had blood seeping through the fabric from the knee downward. Her adrenaline was rushing so she hadn't noticed, but now she felt a sharp, burning pain where she now knew the wound was. She groaned and Vince ran into the back and grabbed the first-aid kit, then hopped over the counter.

Gia walked over to a chair, drops of blood created a trail behind her. “Shit, dude, I’m sorry about the floor.”

“Gia, don’t apologize for bleeding.” he said. “What happened? Did you get hurt at the docks?”

“You sound like my sister.”

“No, I sound better than your sister because she would be yelling at you.”

“Vince…”

“I’m shutting up... For now." Vince rolled her pants leg up and Gia hissed until the wound was in the open. “Can you flip the closed sign?”

Wade nodded. “Where’s everyone else? Where are the adults? You're just down here by yourself? You watch porn on those tvs?”

“Oh, after seven PM I pretty much run the place,” Vince replied. He pulled out a bottle of alcohol and a cloth to clean the wound. “My parents own the shop. Hold still, Gia.”

“Vince, if I kick you in the face, do _not_ get mad at me.”

He smirked. “Mad at you? Never.”

Gia blushed, then looked up at Wade, relieved that his attention had turned to the eclectic names of the ice cream flavors. “Heh, ‘Bloody Mary’... ‘Don’t You Forget About Tea’... ‘Vince Vanilla’? Oh, he’s an only child…”

Gia whimpered as the alcohol touched her wound. Vince held her leg tight and cleaned it until the area was free of blood. Then he grabbed some gaus and wrapped her leg. “It looks like someone stabbed you, Gia. What happened?”

“Someone tried to jack my fucking bike on the docks!” Vince sighed heavily and rolled her pants back down. “I know what you’re thinking and don’t share.”

“Is it something along the lines of ‘Well don’t go on the docks’? Because that’s what I’m thinking it was.” Wade said. The teenagers glared at him. “What? I can read sighs like a gynecologist reads pussy and something tells me that you are Gia’s protective friend.”

“He’s my _only_ friend. Protective, mom, and smart friend rolled up into one.”

Vince walked back behind the counter and put the first-aid kit back in it’s place. Then grabbed a cup for Gia's ice cream. “Hey, plus one, you want ice cream?”

He nodded excitedly. “Two scoops of you vanilla with the rainbow sprinkles.”

“Cool, it’s on the house.” He turned back to Gia. “For the record, yes, I was gonna advise you _yet again_ not to go to the docks.”

"Vince, I have no other way of getting control of my powers."

Vince had the body language of someone who'd been through this conversation so many times that they practically had it memorized. If he were anymore deflated, he'd be on the floor. “The police are gonna catch on and it’ll turn into a nightmare, Gia. Do you want the city or the school knowing what you are?”

“No, that's why I told you, because you can keep secrets."

"I can keep secrets, but I know you and I care about you. A stranger who walks in on you sonic stomping won't care about you as much..." He ran his fingers through his black hair. "I don't want you getting taken away or anything, Gia. Who else am I gonna go to prom with? Who am I gonna see the next eight Fast and Furious movies with? Ariana Hampstead? I don't think so."

"Ariana Hampstead exclusively dates white boys."

"Gia, that's not my damn point, I-"

Wade cleared his throat. “If I should be so bold, Archie and Veronica, might I suggest finding an abandoned warehouse or wearing a mask? I can make you a mask. This one smells funny from years of misuse but yours wouldn’t.”

Vince raised an eyebrow. “How the fuck do you misuse a mask?"

Wade rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, young man, this is really a talk for you to have with mom and dad, but sometimes… when I’m far from home...”

“So you’d make me a suit?” Gia interrupted. 

Wade shook his head. “Not a suit, just a mask. The point is, you have options. Now, I know a guy who pretty much lets anything happen in the warehouse he owns so as long as you’re okay with being next door neighbors with a sex dungeon…”

“I’m not.”

“Wow, I would’ve killed for that at your age.”

“I don’t believe you were ever my age.” Gia stood slowly and walked over to the counter where Vince was lovingly drizzling hot fudge over three scoops of cookies and cream the exact way she liked it. “Vince, I’m fine. This was the first incident.”

“It might be the first incident but this isn't the first time something weird's happened to you while you were out there. Don't you remember telling me about that guy who you thought was watching you out there?"

"That was weeks ago!"

"Yeah, _weeks_ , all it takes is one incident…” He pushed the ice cream her way. “You’re scaring the shit outta me, Gi-Gi.”

“Sorry, mom, but it's all gonna work out in the end.”

“Yeah, just don't leave me behind when you become besties with the X-Men. You owe me. Mario Kart. Tomorrow at noon.”

She smiled. “When I crush you, don’t be mad.”

“Can I come?” Wade asked.

"No, old man."

A few cars pulled up to the curb outside of the ice cream parlor. One Gia immediately recognized, because she just saw it drive away from her. A head peeking out of a rolled down window confirmed her suspicions. It was the thieves from before, but something told her they'd come back for more than a bike.

A group of men got out of the other car with pipes and poles, and Gia stood up. "Um, Vince... call the cops." 

"I'm on it."

He started dialing for the police and one of the goons kicked the door open. "VINCE, DO IT SOMEWHERE THAT ISN'T RIGHT THE _FUCK_ HERE!"

Vince ran into the back to hide and Wade drew his swords. "What's with you morons and this kid?"

"We know what she is," said the leader. "We're not gonna hurt you unless you fight."

Gia got into fighting position. "Who are you?"

"We're a group of people that could use a girl with your skillset."

"Bite me. I'm not gonna be anyone's weapon."

The leader snarled. "Fair enough, I guess we'll have to take you by force then."

"No you don't, that's Thumper..." He swung at the leader's neck and the man dodged but not without a slice to the cheek. "... and I'm fuckin' Bambi."

One of the men behind him pulled out a taser and aimed it at Wade. Gia screamed as her companion's chest lit up with sparks of electricity before he collapsed. She stomped the men back, pushing them through the storefront, making a mental note to apologize to Vince for that later, then leaned over Wade's face and tried smacking him to bring him back to his senses, but it wasn't working. 

The leader of the gang got up and shook himself off. "Little bitch!" 

He grabbed her and she screamed so loud that the lights flickered. She tried holding onto Wade, but she couldn't quite get a grip of his suit. She tried pushing and kicking the man away but he was so much bigger and stronger than she was. One of his henchmen got up and grabbed her legs, tying them with a rope so she couldn't stomp. 

Vince ran out of the back room holding a baseball bat, his eyes were full of panic. "Gia!"

"Don't! They'll hurt you!"

"Fuck that!"

Vince hit the henchman on the back with bat, prompting the henchman to punch him, knocking him out. Gia's eyes widened and started to fill with tears. Before she could try screaming again, there was tape over her mouth. She was horrified by her captors' preparedness. How did they know so much about her powers? How did they know to cover her mouth and bind her feet?

She was thrown in the back of a car, and Wade came back to his senses just as it screeched around the corner...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun DUN


	2. The Odd Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this woulda been out sooner but the perfectionist in me will always hate my own action scenes as much as i do. i had this dream after seeing baby driver just... fyi

It was all sort of a blur from the moment he'd met Gia, and it was even blurrier when Wade found himself lying on his back looking up at the ceiling of an ice cream parlor.

As soon as he came to his senses, Wade was on his feet, although his legs were still unsteady. He wasn't thinking about that, he was thinking about headlights, chasing a car the way a dog would. The car was far now but Gia's shadow in the back was still very much in peril, being pressed down by two figures so much larger than she was. The sight infuriated Wade. For some reason he could recall her trying to hold tight to him as she was dragged away. He could remember the sounds of her screaming. This kid who wanted to be a superhero, an Avenger.

He wasn't going to lose this kid.

“I'm not going to lose this fucking ki-” A car’s horn blared in his direction and he turned to see one fully prepared to ram through him. “OH LOGAN'S BALLS!”

He moved an inch too slow and was sent flying into an alleyway. As he flew, he noticed the old car had a Mickey Mouse head stuck to it's antenna.

“Well that's just not right…” He bounced off of a dumpster and landed on his face.

After realizing that he’d probably lost the car by now, Wade started pointing fingers at himself. He couldn't help himself.

“God, dumbass, you should have anticipated being hit by cars since you were running in the street…” he grumbled. “This is why you aren’t a hero, Wilson. This is why. Can't even save a sixteen year old. You know who's saved like five of them? Fuckin' Spider-Boy. Ororo, probably. Logan _definitely_ has..."

Vince came skidding around the corner, practically leaving smoke where his shoes had been and ran to help him up. Wade waved away the help, however, and Vince stepped back while he stood. There was a bruise on Vince's face and Wade almost blamed himself for that, too.

“You alright?!” Vince asked.

Wade wagged a disturbingly broken finger at him. “Who the _fuck_ took your friend?! They’re _dicks_!”

He paced nervously. “I don’t know, I don’t know… I think they’re gonna kill her. She’s a Mutant, y’know? People do that to them. Oh fuck, oh fuck…”

“This was awfully crafty for a hate crime.”

“Do they always have to be random?”

“I don’t know, I’m not an _expert on hate crimes_. Your girlfriend got any enemies?”

Vince paused. “Girlfriend?”

Wade pressed the broken finger to his face and Vince felt himself nearly gag. “No, _no_. **Nah**.  Nope. Don’t play that ‘We’re Just Friends’ shit with me. We’re pressed for time and I know love when I see it. I’ve been there before.”

Vince pushed Wade’s hand away and blushed. He started making his way out of the alley and Wade followed closely behind.  “Uh, in that case, she doesn't have any enemies because she's kind of the cutest thing to ever live..."

Wade patted his back. "Doesn't that feel better? Being open about your feelings? Letting the hormones flow?" 

"Actually, my throat itches but, I mean, Gia’s dad fucking sucks.”

“So she tells me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “ _What’s_ she told you? Because she likes to tell everyone that he left her and her sister for a white family and I should tell you that’s a lie.”

Wade gasped. “She lied to me? But we got ice cream…”

“If she told anyone why he really left, they’d know she’s a Mutant.” Wade started bouncing impatiently and Vince felt pressure to speed up. “So, um, she moved here a while ago with her sister because her dad was obsessed with Mutants and was basically trying to force her to act as his superpowered henchman and her sister found out and they ran away.”

Wade jumped up and down. “HOLY FUCK, VINNY! THAT WAS HER FUCKING DAD!”

“Should we call the cops?”

“For a missing half-Black Mutant girl?”

“Right…”

“Tell me what you know about Gia’s dad.”

He shrugged. “Beyond that, she doesn’t talk about him, it’s triggering. I don’t wanna push it.”

Wade huffed. He pulled out his gun and tapped it against his chin. “If I were a psycho with a daughter I don’t deserve where would I drag her?”

Experiencing a revelation, Vince stopped in his tracks. “Gia took martial arts lessons about a mile from here, that place is the scariest warehouse in town, but it’s somewhere she knows.”

“Vin Diesel, can you point it out to me on a map?” Wade started patting his body for a map he didn’t have. Vince watched him do this and felt his hope of finding his friend slip away with every passing second. He put his face in his hands and screamed. “Ey, ey, Vince. Relax.”

Vince whipped out his phone and waved it in Wade’s face. “I have a smartphone! I was gonna show you on my smartphone.”

“Good, because I don’t have a map.”

The phone started vibrating. The caller ID for Gia’s sister, Caris, appeared. Wade didn't understand the gravity of the situation, but he understood what a terrified kid looked like. “What do I say?!”

“Say we need her car, Vince! Her sister’s been fucking kidnapped! Common sense, Vense.”

Vince answered the phone and put it on speaker, then tried to make his voice as convincingly calm and level as he could. “Vince here. Who dat?” Wade smacked himself in the face. “I mean- Hey, Caris... I know it’s you.”

“Vince Chhay! Where is my sister?”

“She’s been kidnapped and we need your car.”

There was a moment of silence. “What the FUCK are you talking about? Where is Gia?”

“We don’t know!” Wade said.

“Who is that?”

Vince winced. “It’s Gia’s new friend… Deadpool.”

There was another pause. Every second that stretched by made Vince's skin crawl. The phone vibrated again, this time Caris was requesting FaceTime.

Vince answered and Caris appeared on screen, grabbing her car keys and a denim jacket from a hook near the front door. She looked a lot like Gia, her skin was slightly darker and she wasn’t as thin, but they had nearly identical faces.

“Put Deadpool on the screen.” He tilted the phone in Wade’s direction. Wade, unfazed by Caris’s clear displeasure, leaned too close to the camera. “I know who you are. When I found out that my sister had the gene, I found as many Mutants as I could just in case she ever wanted to get in touch with people like her. I know what you can do.”

Wade smiled. “Well-”

“With that being fucking said, if my sister doesn't get out of this alive and I find out you didn't do enough, I will invent a way to permanently kill you.”

"Good luck!"

"Did she get snatched by a group of weirdos in old cars?" 

"How'd you know?"

She rolled her eyes. "Daddy dearest..."

Vince heard sirens in the distance and started pulling Wade out of the streetlights. "We're at the end of my block."

“I’ll be there in no time, just stay put.”

Caris hung up and Vince glared at Wade who appeared to have a smirk under his mask. “What?”

“Her sister’s been kidnapped.”

He crossed his arms. “I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

After a few minutes, Caris came speeding around the block. By then, the police had already arrived at the ice cream parlor. When Caris pulled up, she rolled the window down, looked back at the shop and cringed.

“Your parents are gonna have your head, Vince.”

Vince’s eyes widened. “I didn’t fucking do it!”

“I know, and I'll gladly be your defense. Get in.”

She unlocked the doors. Wade slid into the front seat and Vince hopped into the back. Wade scanned Caris with his eyes. She’d just gotten off of work, still in her waitress uniform under her denim jacket. Her eyes had dark bags under them, but she still made a point to wear some makeup, with her ruby red lips shimmering under the streetlights. She was wearing a bead bracelet with Gia’s name on it, and gold hoops that said ‘Trouble’.

Wade found himself wishing they'd met in a different place and under different circumstances.

“You met my sister?” she asked him. He nodded. “So you know that she’s a dork who likes violence but could probably not hurt a fly?” He nodded again. “Yeah, I’m not her. I get that from our dad.”

Caris started driving. “We think she’s at the dojo,” Vince told her.

“Nope.”

Vince and Wade looked at each other. “Nope?”

She sighed. “Dojo’s dead, shut down by the police last month, due to be demolished. Plus, dad had no idea Gia took karate lessons."

“I shoulda brought my ammo bag,” Wade sighed. “I never have it when I need it.”

“We can make a pit stop, dad's probably taking her home, which is four hours away.” They stopped at a red light and she turned to Vince. “Why was she out here, Vince?”

“She goes to the docks to play with her powers.”

Caris pressed her forehead to the steering wheel. “Gia, Gia, Gia, Gia…”

Wade snorted. “She’s pretty badass.” Caris shook her head. “She’s not badass?”

“She’s a _kid_ and she’s impulsive and she has no idea what she’s doing.” The light changed and they sped off again, she went off on side streets to avoid traffic. “She’s not ready to be a superhero, she doesn’t even have the emotional maturity to get over herself and kiss Vince. She’s still calling herself ‘Mrs. Hayley Williams’.”

“It’s not like I have any emotional stability.”

“No one’s accusing you of that,” chimed Vince. “What is this about kissing me?”

Wade looked out the window and, in the distance, saw two cars speeding off together, one had a Mickey Mouse head stuck to it's antenna.

“CARIS!” He grabbed the steering wheel and turned it quite illegally, pointing at the cars. “That way!”

“Are you sure?!”

“Positive! I never forget a car that slams into me.”

“Do they slam into you often?!”

“That's not important!”

“It explains a lot!” shouted Vince.

They sped down the street in hot pursuit of the cars. They would probably get in trouble for speeding but it was a calculated risk. From the window on the passenger side came the barrel of a gun. It was aimed for their tires and ready to shoot.

“Swerve!” Vince shouted.

Caris swerved but the bullet hit the rear tire on that side instead. “FUCK!”

They swerved out of control and Caris tried getting them back onto the street but ended up in a parking lot, miraculously avoiding the other cars. After the old cars eluded their grasp again, they sat there in frustrated silence. Caris stared out into the distance, not blinking, breathing heavily through flaring nostrils.

“You got a spare?” Vince asked, gently.

“That fucker’s getting skewered.” Wade decided.

Caris got out the car and opened the trunk. Luckily, she had a spare tire, but she was agonizing over how long it would take to change it. By the time they had it changed, Gia could've been half an hour away from them. With the speed those cars were going, they could've made it out of the city. 

“Fuck!” _Kick._ “Fuck!” _Kick._ “Fuck!” _Kick._   Wade and Vince watched through the rearview mirror. She kicked the busted tire and took a deep breath before grabbing the spare and some tools and getting to work. “It's gonna take a minute…”

Wade got out and helped take off the old tire. He threw it to the wayside, mildly entertained by the way it flopped against the pavement. Caris was working frantically and Wade watched her with some distance between them. 

"He thinks that he can use his own daughter like a gun, he doesn't even want her as a daughter..." she said, under her breath. "Fuck, he definitely doesn't want me anymore, I look too much like mom and can't benefit him. Piece of shit! Why can't I fucking screw this in?!"

Wade signaled for Vince to stay in the car and wait, then crouched down and took the tools from Caris’s hands. “No offense, but you're in no shape to do this right.” She raised an eyebrow but didn't question it. “Changing a tire, much like blowing a guy behind a Chinese restaurant, takes a swift, steady hand.”

Caris blinked. “I've never blown a guy behind a Chinese restaurant.”

“Really?” he asked. “It's kind of exhilarating but the smells are what keeps me from trying it again. Nothing worse than having wontons and the smell of a nice chode so close to one another. It's just one of those combinations. Granted, the guy wasn't exactly a Gerard Butler...”

She rolled her eyes. "This never would've happened if I just paid her more attention. Mom was so good at paying attention to me..." Caris let her hair down and pulled it right back up into a bun. "Maybe you're right, maybe I should've let her just explore her fucking power, maybe she wouldn't have felt the need to sneak out behind my back."

Wade finished and stuffed the tools in the trunk. “Kids do things behind their parents and or guardians backs, that's just life. Now, let's find Gia.”

“Why does she matter to you?” Caris asked. “You just fucking met her.”

Wade shrugged. “She has cool hair.” Caris crossed her arms. “Okay, you got me, I wanna borrow her lipstick.”

“How do I know you aren't in on it?”

“Because I'm a fucking idiot!”

For a moment, it looked like Caris was going to accept that answer, but her face hardened again. “This is not some fun road trip.”

“I know! I'm not having any fun! You aren't playing car chase music, there's a kid in the backseat, your sister's missing, and I'm not wearing a Hawaiian shirt.”

Wade opened the car door and Caris slammed it shut again, stepping in front of him. “Take off your mask.” Wade shot her an offended look. “I want to see your eyes.”

“I lost my eyes in the factory when I was but seven years old.”

“Oh please…”

“Pa-Pa lost his arm in the war and I had to be the breadwinner.”

She pulled him close, until their noses were touching, and he could feel the warmth of her body through his suit. “My sister is the most important thing in my life, she is everything to me. If I lose her, I'll have nothing. My dad's a fucking psycho with no concept of paternity and the only way I'm getting my sister back from him is if I'm working with someone whose heart is in it. I don't know you, I don't trust you. You showed up out of nowhere the day my fucking sister gets taken from me. Take off the mask so I can trust you.”

Wade whined. “It stinks under here…” She didn't budge. He shook his head. “You will throw up.”

“Take. The. Mask. Off.”

He moved past her and climbed back into the car, and Caris got in on the driver's side. Wade stared straight ahead and slowly lifted his hands under his mask. He pulled it over his mouth, holding his breath, waiting for the recoil, waiting for the outcry. Every time he showed himself to someone he wanted to crawl into a hole and die there.

Once the mask was above his eyes, he stopped and kept his eyes on his feet to avoid the stares. Caris was staring, but not out of disgust, she was curious. She slowly reached out to touch his scarred face, but he pulled away, and she pulled her hands back like a cat who'd just been singed.

“How'd you get that?”

“I thought you knew all about me…”

She shook her head. “I only know the name, and the powers, not the guy.”

“Yeah, the guy's not great, can we please go get your sister?”

“Did the gene do this?” she asked. “Or did people do it?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah, it does. To me.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled the mask back down. “People… People like your fucked up dad.”

Caris nodded started the car up. “Where do you live?”

“Not far from here.”

“Good, we're gonna need ammo. Odds are, I might have to kill my dad.” As they pulled out of the lot, she turned to the scarred man once more. "You made it seem like you were a monster."

"Aren't I?"

"Gia used to think she was, and the real monster was our dad. I don't think it's that simple anymore."

They drove on, and Vince tapped Wade on the shoulder. "They make ointment for that shit now, bud."

Wade grinned. "Thanks, Vince."

"Just saying."

* * *

Gia looked around her, memorizing every detail of the car and of the men who took her. If she made it out of this alive, she'd need these memories, not for the police, but for her own little reign of terror. For some reason, the only thing comforting her was the thought of Wade being willing to fight for her. She was so used to grown men trying to use her and hurt her, that seeing him do that was a shock to her system. But a good shock.

There was a window by her feet. If she could just work up some momentum, she knew she'd be able to kick through it, but there was a henchman in her way. He looked down at her as if he knew she had something up her sleeve. His glare was a warning. _Don't do anything stupid._

She glared right back. _You haven't_ seen _stupid yet._

So, she waited. Not passive, but dormant, and it would be hellfire when she erupted. 

The driver turned to her at a red light. "Hey princess, you like music?" She scowled and he pulled out his iPod. "Lemme guess, Zayn?" She shook her head. 

The man in the passenger seat laughed. "Her dad said she likes metal and rock music, Toby." Gia's eyes grew wide. Her dad? She squirmed in the backseat and they held her still. "How about some Metallica?"

As she panicked at the mere thought of seeing her father's face after all these years, the kidnappers plugged in the aux cord and the car filled with the opening of Enter Sandman to drown out her distressed whimpers.


	3. Daddy Dearest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait!

Wade was one of those people who didn’t think about how dirty his space was until he realized it would be seen through the eyes of others. And it wasn’t that he cared what people thought of him, he’d gladly tell them to fuck off if he had to, but the thought of _Caris_ seeing his hole in the ground made him freeze like a stone when they pulled into the alley behind it.

He wore a thousand yard stare while his hand rested on the handle to the door. Caris and Vince watched with worry.

“Think he's dead?” asked Vince. “What if he's having a stroke?”

Caris shook her head. “No, it feels a lot stupider than that…”

He turned to her. “My ears work.”

“So let's fucking go. This is your place, isn’t it?”

“I’m embarrassed to say…” Caris rolled her eyes and started patting him down. “Hey! Hey! There’s a kid here!”

“I’m looking for your house keys!”

Wade opened the door and got out of the car. “There’s a spare by the door, just stop fondling me!”

Vince hopped out next and looked around. The first thing he noticed was that Wade’s place looked like a shitty back alley, probably because it was in a shitty back alley. He hadn’t known him long at that point, but that didn’t surprise him.

Wade led them to the door and found the spare key. When they walked in, they were immediately embraced by the smell of cold pizza that’d sat out for long past its prime. Either that or it was anchovy.

“Don’t touch anything,” Wade said. “Don’t talk to anyone.”

Caris raised an eyebrow. “Don’t talk to anyone? You got a girlfriend hiding in here somewhere?”

A voice in the distance said, “Do you really think this motherfucker would live the way he does if he had a _girlfriend_?”

Wade turned back to them. “Like I said, don’t talk to anyone.”

Blind Al walked out from the living room while Wade went to grab his guns and ammo bag. “It smells like a Victoria’s Secret in here, did you bring home a college girl?”

“The only thing you smell right now is fear.”

Al groaned and walked up to Caris. “He cums fast, it’ll be over soon, do you still wanna do this?”

There was a large commotion as Wade grabbed any and every weapon in his line of sight and stuffed it into his duffle bag. “What have you done today, Al? Anything productive?”

“I don’t need to be productive, I’m old.”

“You’re, like, thirty, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t sweet talk me.”

Vince grimaced. “This place smells like my room…”

“Oh, dude, why does your room smell like this?” Caris asked.

She looked around her. She couldn’t find anything that would cause her to deem Wade untrustworthy, but she found more than enough evidence to suggest that he was weird as hell. She didn’t mind that much. Gia was her sister and the apple didn’t fall far from the older apple, but Wade’s weird was hard to pin down. He lived in a depression den but there was so much in the space to suggest that he had pleasures, he had things and people that made him happy. If nothing else, it appeared to be good for him just to have them around, even if he wasn’t interacting with them.

She excused herself to find the bathroom, and she found it. It was about as clean as the rest of the place, so it wasn’t. She put toilet paper on the seat before she peed and quickly washed her hands. When she looked up to check her hair, however, she saw that the mirror was covered.

It hit her like a ton of bricks. She recalled his earlier resistance to her seeing his unmasked face. Even worse, it reminded her of her sister.

When Gia was young, and just discovered her mutation, she screamed until every mirror in the house was broken. She didn’t want to look at herself. She thought she was a monster. Caris was there, night after night, convincing her that who she was was okay.

There was a knock on the door, Caris jumped and cleared her throat. “I’m okay.”

“I wasn’t worried.” The door opened slowly and Wade poked his head through. “Is it me or is that not hand soap?”

Caris looked down at the bottle. It was shaving gel. “Why do-”

“She’s blind.”

“Why would she-”

“I was busy. Are you ready to go or will you need a sec?”

She stared at him. She could see the hesitation. He was begging her not to make him talk about the mirror at any cost. She abided by his request and made her way out of the bathroom in earnest.

“I’ll check my hair in the side mirror.”

He sighed. “Like Danny from Grease.” As she walked by, Wade touched her arm. “Gia mentioned liking Spider-Man and, um, I have one of his masks.” He pulled it from his ammo bag and Caris’s eyes grew wide. “Don’t worry, he has more than one.”

She looked at the mask and looked at him. “You’d really give this to her?”

He shrugged. “She was kidnapped by her dad, I think she deserves something nice before the therapy starts.”

She took the mask, running her fingers over the intricate stitching. A grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. Wade couldn’t explain it but her brief moment of happiness, amidst all this mess, made him feel really proud of himself.

“You know who would like this?” she asked, handing the mask back to him. "Vince. It’ll be the perfect way to ask my sister out.”

Wade gasped. “You’re so right! Oh God….. How’s he gonna make webs? You can’t make them from semen.”

“How the fuck do you know that?”

“You know good and damn well why I know that, Caris. You’re a smart woman. Smart… gorgeous…” he swallowed. “Three dimensional… We should go.”

“Yeah, probably.”

They walked into the living room, but Vince was gone. Al was lounging on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. Wade groaned and walked over to her. “You alive?” He poked her cheek. “Huh?”

“I know for a fact that your dick doesn’t grow back.”

“Where’s Vince?”

“The little boy you dragged in? He’s outside puking.”

Caris ran outside to find Vince vomiting behind the car. She put her hand over her heart. “What the hell happened?”

“I found… cum filled crocs.”

“Sorry!” Wade said.

“You’re so fucking gross.”

Wade tossed the ammo bag in the backseat. “To be fair, I said don't touch anything.”

As Vince reeled and stood upright again, he glared at Wade. “You're outta your mind if you think I touched them.”

They got back into the car and drove off. They were still hours away from where they needed to be, so they needed to move fast. Caris was a master driver, Wade was beginning to hear Whitney Houston sing in his head as she steered them through thirty minutes worth of traffic and construction in ten minutes.

In the backseat, Vince stared out the window. They passed all the places where he and Gia hung out every weekend. He felt like he could see her there- like a ghost.

It was funny, but probably not all that funny, that the only person he wanted to go rescue Gia with, was Gia.

* * *

 

Gia was ready. She was ready, pissed, tired, and hungry. If this was her dad’s idea of a reunion, he was going to be disappointed.

They arrived at her dad’s mansion. Nothing had changed. Not on the outside, at least. It didn’t terrify her the way it used to, when she’d come home from school and think of nothing but running away.

The henchmen carried her out of the car, and the front doors opened. Her father walked out, clean shaven. He’d slept well, somehow managing to not age a single day. His black hair was well coiffed, slicked down like a Ken doll. His clothes were pristine, neatly pressed, no doubt by the same maid he’d always had. A woman walked out with him. She looked like a Kardashian and she eyed Gia like she was a new pair of Louboutins.

“Oh, darling, she’s so cute! She has your eyes.”

He smiled. “She has more than that. Could you take the gag off of my daughter’s mouth please?” he asked. “Trust me, she won’t scream.”

One of the henchmen took the gag out of her mouth and, just as her father predicted, she didn’t even try to scream. Instead, she snarled.

“Welcome home, baby. It's been a long time coming. Your room is the same. I'd hoped you'd be over this whole goth thing by now so that I could change the decor.”

Gia raised an eyebrow. “Did you touch my William Blake painting?”

“It's in the basement.”

“It's mom's. Pardon me, who the fuck are you?” she asked his girlfriend. “What are you, _nineteen_? Did you find her at a community college? Did you offer her a spot in your will? You should’ve. I'm not using mine and she's gonna need it soon.”

The girlfriend seemed offended at the question, but asked regardless. “Twenty-three.”

“My sister is older than you. You know, his other fucking kid.”

Her father approached her, giving a gentle, cold kiss on her forehead. “Gia, come on, not even a hello?” He held her face. “You look so much like your mother, my God. I’ve missed you.”

“You could’ve just added me on Facebook, _Henry_.”

“Facebook cannot replace holding my baby.”

He walked into the house and the henchmen carried Gia in behind him. The interior was almost identical, the same marble floors and spiralling grand staircase. The grand piano was still there, the walls were still a calming jade, and her father still insisted that everyone leave their shoes at the door to avoid mucking the carpets.

There was one big change: a portrait of her with her father, the two of them dressed in white and looking content as if nothing happened. His girlfriend covered her mouth and cooed, expecting Gia to coo with her. But Gia didn’t coo.

The horror in her eyes was beyond comprehension. She wanted to scream, even if it meant pulling the ceiling down to crush everyone there, including herself.

Henry smiled back at her. “Isn’t it beautiful?” he asked. “I had it commissioned by an artist in Seattle who specializes in Baroque composition. I think this is Dutch Baroque, Camille, don’t you think so?”

Camille giggled. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Of course you don’t.” He turned back to Gia. “What do you think?”

“You’re a fucking sociopath…”

If there were any doubts in Gia’s mind that her father had only gotten worse since her and Caris ran away, what he said next would erase them. He sucked his teeth and pouted. “No, I’m your fucking daddy. I gave you my DNA and the best years of my life. Do you know what that means, darling love?” He crouched down so that they were eye level and he brushed her nose with his with mock affection. She wanted to vomit. “It means, I own you. I own you, just like this house, that portrait, and Camille.”

Gia’s eye twitched. “I’m gonna stomp your brains into the carpet and make Camille power wash them out.”

“Oh, I’d love to see you try, because I’ll have people on your sister’s trail before you can say the word ‘funeral’, baby girl.”

Her breath was caught in her throat. Her father didn’t make empty threats, he either never learned how to or found them pointless. Caris was probably chasing after her. She couldn’t imagine that Wade tagged along, as he’d just met her, and the thought of the only real family she’d ever known dying alone was worse than the thought of her dying alone.

She kept up the brave face- It’s what Caris would do. Caris used to spit blood in her bullies faces, she was venomous, Gia couldn’t dream of being venomous but she could always fake it.

“Oh someone’s a cunt, no wonder I turned out so well.”

Her father pointed a finger at her. “Watch your mouth.”

“Watch your back.”

He stood up straight. “I wanted this to be nice, baby. I really did. We were going to go to Disney World every weekend, when you were done your missions, of course."

Gia watched him move around the room with his hands behind his back, both in tightly clenched fists to match her equally tight fists. "Missions? For who?"

"For me, Gia. I've collected a lot of enemies since you and your sister ran off, and I need a weapon to take care of them. Luckily for me, I have one inside of the apple of my eye."

"I don't kill."

"You can."

"I _won't_."

He grinned. "Not even me? You wouldn't kill me?" Gia's jaw clenched. "Everyone kills. We kill trees, cows, the planet, our dreams, our time, our ambition, but you will kill people. It's natural selection, they're all bad, bad people that the world would be better off without, and once you're done with them, we can go back to being a normal father and daughter. Maybe you could go to college, become a lawyer."

"I'd make an awful lawyer."

"Take her upstairs. Camille, help her pick out an outfit for dinner tonight. Nothing black. When she was little, she wore so much yellow, I miss my little girl.” The henchmen followed Camille up the grand staircase and Gia kept eye contact with her father. “You need to learn some manners.”

“Ah, go shove a knife up your ass.”

The henchman carried her to her bedroom and sat her on her bed, undoing her restraints and immediately taking a step back to make sure she wouldn't move. Their fear was funny to her, as people's fear of mutants so often was. She grinned at them, even as one of them handcuffed her ankle to the leg of the bed.

Camille crossed the room into the closet and pulled out three yellow dresses. “I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I think you'll be a happy girl with me as your mom.”

The suggestion was insulting. “My mom? You didn't die having me.”

Camille cleared her throat. “Well…”

“My mom gave me my mutation. My mom gave me my blackness. Everything that makes me Gia came from my mom. I don't know who you are, you might be nice, but you're never going to be my mom.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah? Well your daddy gave you a home. He gave you all these nice things.”

“Don't call him daddy.”

“Be grateful to him.”

“Bite me.”

“Who else will be your father, you bitch?” Gia blinked, so angry that only silence could cover her feelings. Camille laid the dresses down. “Try these on.”

She left the room and Gia looked down at her feet, fists clenched at her sides. For some reason, she thought of Wade standing up to her kidnappers, getting tased, and laying unresponsive as she was ripped from him... and she cried. Her father never would have defended her the way Wade, a _stranger_ , had. She would do his bidding, she would get hurt, and her father wouldn't bat an eye. 

It would never be over. As she killed his enemies, he would make more. They would never have a "normal" relationship. she would never see the inside of a college campus. She would be her father's soldier- his slave - for the rest of her natural life, which wouldn't be long. Not that he cared. 

Camille returned an hour later with a container of hair products that Gia immediately knew were not for her. She smiled as if Gia weren't her boyfriend's kidnapped Mutant daughter and sat in front of the crying teenager. “Did you pick a dress?” she asked.

Gia glanced at the yellow dresses. “The only one that isn't awful is the strapless one.”

“Ugh, that was your father's favorite. I lost the bet. Now he's gonna spank me.”

“I wish you'd kept that to yourself, Kendall.” She looked up at the henchmen. “I'm not getting dressed with them here.”

She looked back at them. “Why would they care?”

“They're creepy as hell.”

“They're puppies. You control them. They work for you.”

Gia cheeks turned red. “Don't make me undress in front of them.”

Camille giggled. “I don't get what the big deal is.”

“I'm a kid.”

“You're a _Mutant._ ” She sent the henchmen outside and Gia started undressing as best she could with a cuff around her ankle. “You're beautiful, you know.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“You have a boyfriend?”

Gia sighed. “I have a friend who is a boy, and I like him but I think he finds me stressful so I don't go there. This has certainly killed him.”

She slipped the yellow dress over her head and looked herself in the mirror. Mascara tears ran down her cheeks.

“Don't worry, I'll fix your makeup.”

“This really doesn't phase you? Like… at all?” Camille shook her head and helped her zip the dress. _God, Caris, where are you?_   "He's trying to steal my childhood."

"Oh, we've all had our childhoods stolen, grow up."


	4. The Grande Finito

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, this wasn't supposed to take this long but i had fun so... there you have it

Like many stories in Wade Wilson’s life, this one would end with a lot of blood.

But first, there was an hours long, paranoid car ride. They all ignored the sounds of their own stomachs growling and rode on towards Gia. Caris explained the layout of the house to them, letting them know where the good hiding spaces were and how to disable the security systems if, that was, their father hadn’t changed the security systems since they escaped.

She explained how to go about talking to their dad, what pissed him off, what made him laugh. If this was really going to end the way they wanted to, Caris would have to talk to him first.

“My dad’s a sociopath with no emotional ties to anything, like, he’d kill Gia if I blinked incorrectly, so don’t Rambo your way through the fucking house. Understand?” Wade strapped the clip to his gun and admired it with a happy hum. “Do you understand, Wade?”

“Yes, dear. You’re in charge, daddy’s crazy.”

Caris sighed. “I’m gonna miss you when this is over.”

Wade turned to her and raised a masked brow. “Who the fuck said anything about us parting ways?” he asked. Caris didn’t answer, and Wade knew. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to stay, it was more like she didn’t expect him to. Every man in her and her sister’s lives left them, and they assumed Wade would do the same. “No, no, no, Cree Summers, you are stuck with me. You and Gia are gonna have to see my warzone of a face forever. Deal with it.”

“Will I have to see it?” asked Vince.

“Yes, dumbass.”

Vince slapped him on the back of the head, Caris snickered. “Don’t be rude!” He looked at his hand. “I’m sorry, man, that was a reflex.”

“Vince, I’m holding a gun.”

The entire night had been a shitfest, but Wade's promise meant something. Caris needed to hear it after a demoralizing and stressful few hours. “I don't mind you sticking around but you have to abide by my rules with Gia.”

“Noted.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, dope.”

When Caris knew they were approaching the house, she turned off her headlights and parked a solid distance away. She didn’t know if he’d prepared for them, and she didn’t want to give his reinforcements a head start.

They quietly hopped out of the car: Wade was strapped and ready, Caris borrowed one of Wade’s hand guns, and Vince carried Wade’s ammo bag. They really wouldn’t have gotten this far without him.

Meanwhile, inside of the house, Gia sat at a table of strangers, her father included. Her braids were up in a neat and dainty bun and she was in heels, which was an added insult on top of the marigold dress. She was lucky her dad couldn’t see her belly button piercing.

Dinner was served on silver platters and ornate china, Gia tried not to stir herself into a panic attack as minutes and hours passed, and she began to suspect that maybe she wouldn’t have saviors after all.

Her father poured her a glass of red wine, which she refused as politely as she could. “I’m sixteen.”

“I know,” he said. “I drank wine when I was twelve. It would really mean a lot to me, that wine is from my vineyard, baby girl.”

 _I’ll crush your fucking skull and drink wine from it. Actually, no, that’s morbid…_ Gia smiled like a princess. Her pink, glossed lips reflected the light from the chandelier. “No thanks, I’d really not continue a cycle of unhealthy behavior.”

Her father looked at Camille and laughed. “Look at that, she reads.” Gia picked up her knife and considered it, before cutting into her steak. “Her mother was an impressively intelligent woman, brilliant. She could read 500 page books in an hour and tell me every detail. I knew our daughter would be special.”

Hearing her father talk about her mother made her dinner hard to swallow, but she struggled through it. If this man were any slimier he’d be a snail.

Camille smiled at her, and Gia smiled back almost comically wide. “So, do you get good grades?”

“Yeah, I do. I’m VP of the AV club.”

“AV? Why not student government?”

“Because I like the AV club, the class president is a deformed clitoris, and I have anarchist leanings so any form of mock government makes my ass itch.”

Her father threw his head back, laughing so loud that it echoed off the walls and shook the windows. “Anarchist leanings?! Good Lord… You are Caris’s spitting image.”

“Yeah, she raised me.”

“So did I.”

Gia’s stare was acidic. “You didn't do a fucking thing.”

Meanwhile, Caris led Wade and Vince through the backyard. She peeked through the curtains and saw her sister. The yellow dress alone was as jarring as a scene from a horror movie. She kept her lips sealed until she knew there was no way that their father could hear, and then covered her mouth with her hand.

“Did you see what she’s wearing?!” Caris whispered. “A dress!”

Wade shrugged. “Don’t teenage girls like that?”

Caris and Vince shook their heads. Vince put his hand on Wade’s shoulder. “Gia _hates_ dresses. She already picked out a silk pantsuit for prom.”

“Vince, it was a _yellow_ dress.”

Vince shook his head. “I’m surprised she hasn’t killed anyone.”

Caris looked around the corner to a small hatch in the grass. She grabbed Wade’s arm and pointed him in that direction. “You’re gonna go through there. It’s a tunnel leading to the cellar. Go out through the cellar door, walk up the steps to the kitchen, silence whoever you need to silence, and wait for my cue.”

“What was the cue again?”

“I’ll shoot the ground.”

“Got it.” Wade snuck around the corner, when Caris tugged on his suit, pulling him back. “What? I’m trying to do what you asked!”

“I know, I had something else I wanted to say.”

Wade lifted his mask over his mouth and kissed Caris on the nose. She tried acting annoyed, but her blushing gave her genuine reaction away. “I know you’re not used to covert ops but save it for the end of the chapter, we don’t wanna break the pacing.”

“I was gonna tell you to take the ammo bag with you.”

Vince tossed him the bag. Wade looked at it, then looked at Caris with a nervous titter. “Forget that happened?”

“No, it was the worst thing you’ve done this entire fucking night,” Vince said. “And I’m including the Crocs thing.”

“Alright, fair enough.”

“If this works out,” Caris said. “I like Chinese food and I’m free every Sunday night.”

Wade blinked in disbelief. Like a traffic cone in record heat, he melted into the grass. “Deal, no take backs.”

Wade snuck away, leaving Vince frozen. “Okay, I'm officially shooketh.”

“Stay out of sight, Vince,” Caris warned him.

“What do you see in that g-”

“Vince, shut up.”

Caris quickly made her way to the front door. She fixed her hair and made sure her gun was concealed before ringing the doorbell. Her father looked incredulously at the door. The shock gave Gia a brief shot of hope, and her heart started to pound in her chest.

Camille moved to answer it, but she was stopped when Gia’s father threw his napkin on the table and charged towards the door. “Who is it?” he questioned the guards. “Who’s at the door?”

“Some girl, I think it’s Caris.”

Gia smiled. Under the table, she quietly slipped her feet out of her heels. Her father opened the door and smiled at Caris, who smiled back. It was the happiest moment of Gia’s life, seeing her sister standing there, looking like a killer. The glimmer in her eyes was venomous, and aimed directly at her father.

“I had no idea you would be joining us tonight, dear.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. May I come in?” He held the door open for her and she stepped through. She looked around at everything and the same sick feeling that hit Gia hit her. “Love what you’ve done with the place.”

The door slammed closed and Caris heard the safeties of two guns click off. She didn’t even turn around, she just laughed. Gia quickly accessed the situation, and realized that Caris had a plan. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been so calm. So, she waited.

“Are guns necessary?” Caris asked. “Not that you ever cared about necessity. You were always a big believer in excess.”

Their father walked up behind Caris and put his hands on her shoulders. “Minimalism is very eighties.”

“I’m taking Gia home.”

“Gia is home.”

Caris shrugged his hands away and started walking toward her sister. “No, Gia’s here, drinking wine, in a yellow dress and a pair of heels. That’s as far from home as Gia gets. If one of your goons shoots me they’ll regret it, so tell them to stand the fuck down.”

“Relax, gentlemen,” he told them. “She’s not a threat.”

“Are you okay?” Caris asked Gia. Gia shook her head. “That’s what I thought. Some father you are.”

Camille stood up with her knife in her hand. “We’re fine, bitch.”

“Oh, go choke on a vibrator, Kylie.”

“You don’t speak to me like that, you betrayed this family. But I’m gonna rebuild it. We’re trying for a baby.”

“Is that why you have a coke nail?” Camille gasped and hid her pinky behind the knife’s handle. “If you’re gonna do something with that knife you better do it or sit your ass down. I’ve dealt with enough of my father’s mistresses to know I can knock you into next year.”

Camille, sadly, wasn’t smart. She charged toward Caris with the knife. Only to have the knife knocked from her hand. Caris elbowed her hard in the face, instantly breaking her nose. She fell back and tried crawling away, but Caris followed her, kicking the knife further away.

“HELP ME!” she screamed in the direction of their father, who was watching, seemingly amused. “FUCKING HELP, HENRY!”

“He’s a sociopath, sweetheart. Born empty. He doesn’t give a fuck about either of us.” She pulled out her gun and pointed it back at him. “But I do.” She took the shot and hit her father in the ear. Then, she shot the ground.

The guards started shooting in her direction, and she took cover behind a statue. Wade came out of the kitchen, guns blazing. He shot both of the guards standing near the door. Dozens more crept out of their hiding spaces and tried shooting at him, only to be met by the bullets of a superior marksman.

Caris took down a few guards herself, hitting them all in one shot to not waste bullets. They were quite the team, as it turned out. Wade scanned the room for their dad, hoping to get him too, but the squirrely man disappeared in the blaze. He spotted Gia hiding under the dinner table. She didn't look scared, she looked like she was waiting for her cue.

Wade shot a train of guards that were heading down the stairs and made his way over to her. “Gia?!”

She crept out from under the table. “Deadpool?!”

Wade waved at her. “Hey kiddo.”

Camille got up, holding her bloody face, and charged for Wade. Gia scowled. "Wade, get behind me."

Wade ran behind her and she got on top of the table. When she jumped off, Camille flew into the wall. The force of her body hitting the stone caused a dent. Gia didn't have time to admire her handiwork, a guard ran out and grabbed her. She screamed in his face, bursting his eardrums, before pushing him out the window into the backyard.

The three of them waited for a moment, making sure the coast was clear. It was quiet, the only thing they heard were quiet groans and the sounds of men gurgling on their own blood. Gia turned to Wade. She threw her arms around his neck. It shocked him, but he held her back, knowing she probably needed the embrace of a friend.

“You came for me?”

“Yeah, Thumper. You’re gonna save the fucking world someday.”

It was a sweet moment, one that brought tears to Gia’s eyes, and one that was cut short by the sound of a gunshot ripping through the air.

Gia’s gasped as something warm spread between her body and Wade’s. She struggled to pull away from him, thinking he’d been hit, but he didn’t feel anything

When Wade realized that it wasn’t him, he lost it. “No… No, no, no! NO!”

He laid Gia on the ground, there was a bloodstain spreading on her left side. She looked terrified, Wade did, too. Caris looked for the shooter. 

"Over here!" Her father stood at the top of the stairs, with the gun smoking in his hand. "That girl is my property. She's my fucking daughter. I can do whatever I want with her. I can use her powers. I can hurt her. I can marry her off. I can kill her." He pointed the gun at Wade. "You people think you're above me? You think you deserve respect? Fuck you! You're God's mistakes, every fucking Mut-"

Caris shot at him, hitting his shoulder. He dropped the gun and she shot him again, this time hitting him in the throat. It was over. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” Wade whispered. “We can fix this. You’ll be fine. Think about, um, The Backstreet Boys."

"The Backstreet Boys?" Gia asked. "Do you think it's 2003?"

"I thought they made a comeback."

"No!"

"I don't fucking know! But I know you'll be fine!"

Gia nodded, but she wasn’t so sure. Neither was he. “It hurts!”

“I know it hurts, relax. Breathe through it, I know how strong you are.”

“I’m bringing the car around!” Caris shouted. She hesitated for a moment, watching the normally crass Wade Wilson attend to her sister with a tenderness she couldn’t have anticipated in her wildest dreams.  

Wade put pressure on the wound with his hand, but that didn’t do much, so he took off his mask and used that to absorb some of the blood. Gia breathed through the pain and focused on his face. He hated it so much, but it was the face of an angel to the girl who felt like she was dying.

Caris skidded into the driveway and Vince came out of hiding. “What’s going on?!”

“Gia’s been shot!”

Terror filled Vince’s veins. He practically pushed Caris out of the way to get through the door first. Gia turned and saw him coming, and she reached out to him, only for Wade to put her hand down.

“Don’t exert any energy.”

“I don’t think it hit anything vital…” Gia hissed.

Vince leaned over her face. She was getting colder, and they needed to hurry. “The amount of blood coming out of you says otherwise.”

“You’re not a doctor, Vince.”

Caris stood behind Wade, hovering, wondering how to help. Wade reached back and tapped her shin. “Help me lift her.” She ran over to Gia’s shoulders, and Vince slid his hands under her torso. Wade waited for a moment, with his hands holding the back of her bare feet. “Alright, Gia. We’re gonna move you. Do _not_ kick me, my balls are right next to your feet.”

They carried Gia out to the car, laying her in the backseat with her head resting on Vince’s lap. He looked down at her, praying to anyone who could hear that she’d live. He caressed her face, she reached up and grabbed his arm.

Caris sped off. Vince found directions to the nearest hospital. They pulled into the emergency room. The security seemed a bit bothered by the appearance of Deadpool, but he had tunnel vision, and watching Gia roll down that hallway on a gurney made him feel a bit sick.

* * *

Caris walked into the reception area about an hour later. Wade sat up, setting down the magazine he was pretending to read.

“Is she okay?” asked Vince.

Caris nodded. “She’s fine. It didn’t hit anything vital, but she lost a ton of blood. She’ll have to stay overnight.”

“Oh. Yuck. Hope there’s something good on tv.” Wade sighed. “I had this nightmare once that I was in a hospital and the only channel was a live feed of Professor X having an orgy.” Caris sat next to him. “It was really gross, that man doesn’t have a normal O-Face. Although, I gotta say, his stroke game? Not too shab-”

He was cut off when Caris pulled his mask over his lips and kissed him. Hearts practically flew from his brain, exploding in the air like fireworks while Kelly Clarkson sang ‘Moment Like This’. Vince watched from the sidelines, completely baffled.

Caris pulled away and rubbed her thumb against his dry, scarred lips, now slightly reddened by her lipstick. “You tried saving my sister twice tonight.”

“Three times…” corrected Wade. “I just want full credit, continue.”

She grinned. “You tried saving her three times. I owe you so much, Wade. You have no idea.”

He shook his head. “You don’t owe me anything. I love a good bloodbath. Of course, I’m usually getting paid to use that much ammo. Of course, I usually don’t like the person who’s paying me. Of course, I don’t get paid a lot…”

“Wade.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

He smiled. “Gia’s… Gia reminds me of me and I didn’t have many people around when I was a kid… Someone’s gotta keep that little supervillain safe.”

Caris leaned on Wade’s shoulder and started to fall asleep, content now that her sister was safe. Vince looked out the window. The sun was finally rising…

* * *

**2 Years Later**

Gia sat on the roof of her house with Vince, listening to the metal music playing from her bedroom window. Their graduation robes kept them warm in the night as they looked up at satellites masquerading as stars. 

"I have to say, we went out with a bang," Vince said. 

She snorted. "You doing a split and me stage diving were the most memorable moments of any of those shitty kids' lives." She laid her head on his shoulder. "I thought it would feel different."

"What?"

"Graduation. It doesn't feel like I'm done."

Vince laughed. "We only graduated hours ago, Gia."

"I know but... It's like when my dad died I thought I would feel better, and I just felt..."

"Shot."

"Well, there was that."

They laughed. Vince kissed Gia on the cheek. "Everything's changing even if you don't feel it. How does that sound?" 

As much as Gia appreciated the faux-philosophy, she had to call him out for it. "Vince, what the fuck are you saying? You hate changes. When your mom went vegan you ranted on Skype with me about it for three total fucking hours. You hate when bands change sounds. You acted like someone else was wearing my skin when I changed my stance on A Perfect Circle from 'overrated' to 'alright, actually'."

"Gia, A Perfect Circle is Nine Inch Nails and Muse for theater geeks."

She shrugged. "I'd argue it's Marilyn Manson for pussies but you make a compelling comparison, too." Gia looked down at the beaded friendship bracelet she'd promised to make for the one person who didn't show up to her graduation. "NYU is so far away, dude..."

"Yeah, but you're gonna kill it there, so the distance is worth it."

"I'm gonna miss Caris's pancakes."

The tree beside the house started to shake, causing a squirrel to jump ship, frantically landing on Vince's lap. He screamed and they both shifted away from the tree, only for a red head to peak through the branches and climb onto the roof. Gia gasped and pulled Wade onto the roof, and he sat back with a long exhale.

"Caris is sleeping, she wouldn't let me in."

"Because she's sleeping," Vince replied. 

Gia pulled him into a hug, then pulled away. "You smell like a penny."

"I did a lot of killing today, which is why I missed your graduation. To be honest, I wanted to miss it anyway, graduations fucking suck."

"I understand. My feelings are still hurt, but I understand."

Wade held up a finger. "Don't worry, I have something to mend the wound." He handed her a big box, poorly wrapped with Twilight wrapping paper from 2010. "You have no idea how hard it was to carry that up a tree." Gia bit her lip, then handed Wade the bracelet. "Aww Gi-Gi, you shouldn't have. Wow! BFFL!"

Gia ripped off the wrapping paper and paused. "Is it another Spider-Man mask? You've given me three now and it's starting to look like I skin Spider-Men."

"Open it."

"Who did you kill?" Vince asked. Wade shrugged. "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW?"

Gia let out a scream that nearly woke the entire neighborhood, but somehow managed to not wake her sister. She climbed off of the roof and into her bedroom. Vince looked back at Wade with a small grin before climbing in after her. Wade waited outside, listening to the squealing and ruckus while admiring the friendship bracelet. 

"Whoa, should I leave the room?"

"Vince, you've seen me naked before, shut up!"

A few moments of excited squealing later and Gia climbed back out onto the roof in her brand new super-suit. It was black and sleek, like Wade's, with a mask for her eyes. To top it all off, it went well with her combat boots. She smiled at Wade.

"Like a glove, Thumper." Wade said. "I was thinking to myself, 'New York doesn't have that many vigilantes, right?'. You can be their first. It's bullet-proof, you're welcome. It's all black. The mask only covers your eyes because I know you love your lipsticks."

"This is so fucking metal..."

"So are you."

"I feel like a badass. I could jump off here."

"FUCK YEAH!"

Vince crawled out through the window with his arms raised. "No, that'll cause an earthquake."

"Sounds like a challenge," Wade said. "Will your sister kill me if I wake her up?"

Vince watched Gia consider the distance between her and the ground, and he grabbed her ankle. "It's not a challenge. Yes, Caris will kill you."

Wade shrugged and made his way back to the tree. "Guess there's only one way to find out. Don't be a wet fucking blanket, Vince."

Gia looked out at the city and smiled. She was Mutant and proud. She was a superhero on her own terms. 


End file.
